dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
