She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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