He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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