im six kinds of drunk right now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
