i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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