The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
