I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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