You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
