I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
