it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize