Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
