Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
