literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
