Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i now understand why vodka
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
