I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
