My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
