maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize