Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
where am i from again
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How does one acquire holy water?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
