my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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