Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
