I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
