he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
