my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
