I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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