I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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