Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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