i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
