got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
