i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
