I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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