I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize