there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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