yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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