I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
