I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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