so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
