I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
