Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
