It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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