I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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