Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
