last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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