Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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