that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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