I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
