ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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