mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
