I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
