More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
