Whod you bang
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
