I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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