I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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