evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
