READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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