dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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