I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize