my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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