dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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