Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
