The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
