Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
