I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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