Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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