final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
