States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Damn victory sex feels great
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
