there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
