mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
