Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
